How to help other people’s children whose parents are searching for online divorce advice
Never underestimate the fury and anger that overcomes people who are going through divorce. Their rage makes them go a little crazy. It also makes them forget about their children – and do immeasurable harm. In between searching for online divorce advice which may send them down adversarial routes, parents do not realize how much their anger and pain is affecting their parenting.
So when someone is in the ‘anger’ stage of divorce, you may not be able to help them much – but you may be able to help their kids.
How can you help kids whose parents are divorcing?
Don’t just stand by when you see the kids are being used as weapons in the divorce battle.
In a divorce survey by Mischcon de Reya, one in five parents said that their primary objective during separation is to make the experience “as unpleasant as possible” for their former spouse. Half of the parents involved said that they had sought a day in court to haggle over residency arrangements despite knowing it made matters worse for their children.
It’s so hard to speak your mind when you feel that you may get the fury of an angry family member or work colleague unleashed upon you – but hurling blame at them is not what I’m suggesting. Just something like “Hey, I can see you’re really angry at the moment – but your kids matter more than getting back at your Ex, don’t they? So I want to support you in keeping your eye on what really matters here – which is making this divorce less damaging to your children than it needs to be. Don’t let your anger at your Ex be greater than your love for your children.”
Experienced Parenting Experts and Communication Experts – people who can offer support and useful training in how to deal with an Ex – are available for free initial conversations via the Alternative Divorce Directory. Encouraging parents to access healthy forms of online divorce advice is key.
So discouraging divorcing friends and colleagues from dissing their Ex – especially in earshot of their children – and directing them away from adversarial lawyers, are simple ways open to all of us, which support the parents and children of those who are experiencing divorce and family breakup.
Suzy Miller is the Alternative Divorce Guide and the creator of the Divorce First Aid program.